did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
