my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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