I wish I could punch you in the face.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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