I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
