Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
