yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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