cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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