he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
