Duck Duck Cougar?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
