I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm at about main and main street
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
