She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
