don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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