wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
