Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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