small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
