maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize