She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just threw up on my dentist
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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