My liver just broke up with me...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
