ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
