True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
