i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I CAN MOONWALK!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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