Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
