That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
