He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
