im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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