TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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