new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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