just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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