I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
