P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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