You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
