It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
