Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
