I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
