You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wear drunk well.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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