We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
