Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
