is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
