Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i came on her dog
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
