sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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