if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
