Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
