hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
