Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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