we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
