That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
