I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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