Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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