I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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