I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
