Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
