I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Enjoy the penises
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
