We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
