You just made me feel so damn special
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
