I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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