proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
