If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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