Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
