adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
