you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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