Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
