If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
