By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
