Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
