No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
