didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
