i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
