just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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