I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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