I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
