my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
