DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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