I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
