apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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