he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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