im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
