can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
