Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
