get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just invented taco cereal.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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