Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
