yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
