Dude my mom stole all your condoms
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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